Agency and Friendship

There are threats all around us individually, as couples, and as families that can easily burden us down. We are constantly being told by 'experts' how and what to think, how we should react in various situations, and the best way to accomplish all sorts of things. We are bombarded with DIY lists, gimmicks on how to be skinny or healthy, and 'get rich quick' schemes that can easily overwhelm us. Not to mention the enormous amount of turmoil in the world. There are wars and rumors of wars, addictions, job and work related stress, political and economic unrest, etc. This high level of stress can cause great strain in our relationships. 

Yet we all possess a very powerful tool that can impact those relationships for better or for worse.

We all have agency - which is the ability to choose.

We can choose whether we are going to let a stressful day at work impact our home life, we can choose whether we watch the news to be informed or become consumed by it, we have the ability to not bring the wars of the world within the walls of our own homes. Our homes should be a place of refuge and a safe haven from the troubling world.

This is where having a deep, loving and abiding friendship with your spouse can come into play. John Gottman, renowned psychologist, has said that the key to a healthy martial relationship is friendship.

I am certainly not perfect but I do have a few best friends in my life and one of them is my fiancé. We have our disagreements and the stresses of the world and every day life certainly get us down, but at the end of the day, we are still each other's best friends. I realize that we are in a special place in our relationship and that this feeling of love and giddy-ness will certainly ebb and flow, but we hope, pray, and work every day to make sure that our friendship stays strong.

He is someone I love, someone I can trust, someone I can laugh with and someone I can cry with. We have our struggles, as all couples do, but we are willing to put aside our pride and work together. Humility has become one of the greatest lessons I have learning being in the relationship of my life.

In our relationship, we are certainly and actively trying to put into play John Gottman's quote, "When you hurt, the world stops and I listen."